It feels like yesterday that I wrote the previous post. I remember exactly why I took the self-declared holiday, and I know exactly how it feels to eat terribly unhealthy food, fall asleep in the middle of books, have work to do but not doing it immediately. And there are still too many weddings to attend. I have already missed a few weddings this year because I just didn't feel up to going alone and socialising with people I have not met in years.
I am still up at the unearthly hour of 3am because I can't sleep. Again. I know why I am still up, because it happened before, about three years ago, and about six years ago. I'm not waking up in the middle of the night because I have learnt to cope with work stress. Now, I just can't sleep. I just spent the past couple of hours clearing out the junk in my email inboxes. I have approximately 3,500 to 4,000 emails in each gmail account, and it's quite interesting to see what I used to send out or receive. I hardly get personal emails these days.
I also went to look at an old blog of someone I used to know. The whole point of the blog and the whole point of this blog was to communicate with one another in a remote way. We grow up, we grow apart, we move on. I had thought about meeting up some time this year, but it's better this way.
And you, congratulations. You owe me an angbao.
This is the last time that I'm ever gonna come here tonight.
This is the last time I will fall into a place that fails us all inside.
Well, I can see the pain in you, and I can see the love in you.
Fighting all the demons will take time, it will take time...